While pet stores are allowed by right in commercial C2 zones, kennels are only allowed in industrial zones. Under the city’s municipal zoning code, any pet store selling four or more dogs that are four months of age or older is deemed to be a kennel. Many animals sold in “humane” stores are older, no longer puppies or kittens.

A fine idea, but the ordinance, which passed in late 2012, prompted an unforeseen zoning problem. The purpose was to end Angelenos’ complicity with cruel breeders and puppy mills, and to encourage the adoption of animals in need of rescue. The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.When the city of Los Angeles barred pet stores from selling commercially bred cats, dogs, and rabbits, it required instead that animals sold in stores come from shelters, humane societies and rescue groups. Shout out to my partner, who mentioned that it would be really funny if the only ideas Lucifer and Dream could come up with in their battle were bigger and bigger dire wolves. Lucifer: I am a bark, erupting from the dog’s throat, that annoys all the guests and starts the fight they were hoping to avoid!ĭream: I am a biscuit from one of those really fancy pet stores, one that’s shaped like an ice cream cone or a piece of tiramisu or something, and it’s steak-flavored. Lucifer: (sweating) I … I am a dog that eats up the bit of icky food from under the table.ĭream: I am a baby gate that keeps the dog away from the nice dinner party. Lucifer: I am a fork that falls in when you’re not looking, jamming the blades, making that horrible sound like your sink is going to explode.ĭream: I am a bit of crusty dried food stuck on the fork that makes it too icky to eat with, but you can’t say anything because you’re a guest at a dinner party and your hosts get defensive when they’re embarrassed and you don’t want another fight, so you just pick the food off under the table while wondering how healthy your friendship with these people really is. Wait, can I do that one ov-ĭream: I am a garbage disposal, ravenous and all-consuming. Lucifer: I am glue, always sticking, all-absorbing. Lucifer: I am a LEGO brick hidden in the carpet.ĭream: I am rubber, ever-stretching, all-repelling. Lucifer: I am a toddler in a tantrum, nerve-fraying and eardrum-splitting.ĭream: I am a seasoned parent, knowledgeable and calm, who managed to read the exact right book and actually knows what to do in this situation. Lucifer: I am a lawsuit that leads the company to ban all bananas on company property.ĭream: I am the company itself. Lucifer: I am your boss, waving you down as you leave so I can tell you to come in on Saturday.ĭream: ( wincing, then recovering) I am a banana peel that the boss slips on so that the worker can make their escape. on a Friday, the clock ticking down to freedom, the margaritas at that nice place down the street waiting. Lucifer: I am an office cubicle, lifeless and soul-crushing, like the office in Severance except way worse.ĭream: I am 5 p.m. Lucifer: I am the biggest dire wolf in the entire universe, with a million laser eyes and a billion poison mouths … times infinity. Lucifer: I am an even bigger dire wolf than your dire wolf, with eyes that shoot lasers.ĭream: I am the biggest dire wolf in the universe, with a million eyes that shoot lasers and also I can shoot poison out of my mouth. Lucifer: I am a dire wolf, prey-stalking, lethal prowler.ĭream: I am a bigger dire wolf, menacing and sharp-toothed, big enough to eat your dire wolf. CHORONZON, MAZIKEEN, and MATTHEW THE RAVEN look on as LUCIFER and DREAM get ready to fight. LUCIFER and DREAM face each other as HORDES OF DEMONS cheer from outside the castle.

You won’t find it anywhere else.Īren’t you glad we’re doing this kind of serious investigative journalism so that you can feast on the results? Enjoy! Well, guess what, nerds! We managed to dig up an exclusive, uncut, never-before-seen draft of that fight scene, right out of my imagination the Netflix vaults. They were turning into dire wolves and supernovas and whatever the hell “anti-life” is! If only we had more of it. You know that scene in episode 4 of The Sandman on Netflix, where Lucifer and Morpheus have an epic battle of the imagination to see if Morpheus will get his helm back or if he has to be Choronzon’s servant for eternity? That scene kicked ass.

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